Intelle Brain Children have little other choice than to base their understanding of reality, and their strategy for dealing with that reality, on what they experience at home. Perhaps the most important aspect of this learning is what they come to expect from other human beings. That is due to the fact that social relationships are so critically important to living. Because humans have a much better chance of surviving (and reproducing) in a group, we are literally wired to need relationships-for our sense of safety, for our psychological and physical health, and for our ability to find meaning. This wiring explains why so much of our sense of well-being is dependent on our relationships and why coming from a family that instills negative expectations of others (and the subsequent maladaptive strategies) can be so debilitating.
Because relationships are key to survival, a great deal of the brain is dedicated to monitoring and engaging in social behavior (determining safety or danger, expressing warmth or threat, etc.). According to Allan Schore, a nationally acclaimed researcher, the right hemisphere is more heavily involved in interpersonal processes. It is also the side of the brain that develops more actively in the first two years. During this time the brain is extremely plastic, with neuronal pathways being laid down and strengthened (or, without use, atrophying). This is a concept some may find surprising. It would be easy to assume that the brain is pretty much fully-structured at birth (like the hands and feet). But in fact, experience works alongside genetics to determine how the brain is wired. Because so much of the right brain is molded during the first two years, this period is particularly critical in terms of learning how to trust and relate to other people. Reading social cues, having empathy, even being able to like others and ourselves, is based on how the brain is wired. Although this wiring is largely determined by how one was related to as a child, corrective experiences in adulthood (such as therapy) can fortunately modify brain wiring as well, which I will say more about later.
Attachment and the Brain: The study of how attachment experiences impact the brain has been largely pioneered by a psychiatrist named Daniel Siegel, whose work many therapists, psychologists, and educators have grown interested in over the last 5-10 years. Siegel developed a field in the area of attachment research called Interpersonal Neurobiology, which addresses how the brain is wired through past experiences and how new experiences can help rewire the brain. In the last few years, interest in this field has rocketed, I believe because Siegel's work confirms what psychologists have always known-that early relationships are important-while helping us understand why they are important from a biological point of view. Although specific knowledge of the brain may not be essential for therapy or counseling, I have found it extremely useful to orient clients to some of the general principles that Siegel (and Allan Schore, Steve Porges, among others) have discovered. There is something helpful about conceptualizing our behavioral/emotional problems as glitches in our nervous system. This can decrease shame (since it illustrates that our vulnerabilities aren't "on purpose") and be empowering (since understanding the science behind what we are experiencing can help us make shifts).
Because the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology and other advances in attachment theory are so groundbreaking, there is a tremendous amount of excitement about it in the therapeutic community. A number of approaches to therapy, including Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Psychobiological Couples Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Systems Centered Therapy, incorporate attachment ideas into their techniques.
Let me say more about what Interpersonal Neurobiology teaches us. According to Siegel, how the brain becomes wired is largely based on social stimuli (such as smiles, cooing, being rocked or held), that activate certain neuronal patterns. For instance, if a baby cries and then is picked up and soothed, the brain is learning how to move from a state of upset to a state of calm. In other words, neuronal pathways are being formed so that various parts of the brain can work together to deal with the upsetting emotion. On the other hand, if a baby cries and is ignored, or even punished, then the baby not only learns important "realities" (like that there is no point in reaching to others, and that emotions lead to disappointment, isolation, and being overwhelmed), but his or her brain is also left in prolonged states of chaos or upset-what therapists refer to as emotional dysregulation. Since "neurons that fire together wire together," the longer the brain remains in certain states that lack integration (particularly when we are young), the more likely one will return to those states later on.
